The Phrases given by A Parent Which Helped Us as a New Parent

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a good spot. You require assistance. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger inability to talk among men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to request a break - spending a few days overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, changed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my job is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."